My minds playing tricks on me

I have dealt with situational anxiety for quite some time. It flares its ugly head when im heading into an unknown situation. I'm a very detailed, organized well prepared individual. I dont like surprises, one of my worst fears is surprise birthday party! So when the wifey drops -hey were going to a country bar Saturday with some friends- my heart picks up a beat and the chest tightens in. Cant even control it!, first instinct is to say I cant make it. Not sure what my excuse will be, I suddenly pull my calendar out, damn its completely empty! Think, think, I can stay with the kids? I planned on hanging with my crossfit friends? im sick? im gonna be sick? there must be something that will work? Deep down I know, there is no excuse, its the matter between my ears, nothing less nothing more. I have a few days to process it and I will be fine by the time Saturday rolls around. (its currently Thursday)

I don't know everyone whos going, don't know the details at all. This adds to my issue. If I had been told earlier or better yet if I was the one to set it up, this would not be a problem. Lets face it, that hardly ever happens. I will be fine on Saturday. I will get dressed, might even be a little anxious to get there. I love country music, just bought tickets to another event today. (see that control issue) Line dancing, nah I will watch from afar, hang with the boys and have some coors lights. Country bar after all, maybe even a shot of JD, no thats not gonna happen. My chest will tighen, the sweat down my back will increase as I leave the car and get ready to head in. It will be this way, because its always been this way. The difference now is I force myself to go, I know I will have fun! Will probably talk about it with all the peeps I see for the few days following. Why can't I just not worry about it?

For as long as I can remember I have suffered from this issue. I'm sure we have lost friends over the years from flaking over and over. I skipped a Halloween party invite for years because I was afraid of the unknown. Tegan finally convinced me to go and it was an absolute blast. We went for years until they moved away. guess what, we now have a Halloween party every year! Just have to remind myself and push myself to get out of my own head. Step out of your comfort zone and do what scares you or makes you nervous. it's good for you! promise!