Grandpa

So many thoughts come to my mind when I think of my Grandpa. As I sit here debating how to begin my mind is full of so many emotions and stories its hard to put them to words. I will do my best, not so much to describe him as a man but more of the influence he had upon me in becoming one. Of course my memories are just that, my memories, I'm not looking for a discussion from family members or others that might remember different versions. This is my story.

I can look at pictures of old Disneyland trips, or even before that time and see his love of life. Always smiling and appearing to have a great time. There are pictures of him on cruises dressed to the T and then in full costume for an event. I imagine I got my love of dressing up (for Halloween, dont get weird visuals!) from him. He didn't seem to care what others thougt, or he at least would not let it show.

When my parents first opened Lees Feed in 1980 my grandparents both moved up from southern California. Grandparents were the behind the scenes office peeps, you know, the ones counting the money. Mike and Sue, my parents ran the floor and anything and everything else that it took to make it successful. I was about to enter the 4th grade and my sis was 5 years old. I remember bits and pieces from that time. Some are very vivid and others probalby through the translation of old pictures. Anyway back to grandpa, he was a shrewd business man from what I 've heard. I was too young to understand it then, but I fully get it now. He demanded respect, might not have necessarily earned it, but got it nevertheless. He was ethical, honest and expected the same in return. If you treated him right, he would go above and beyond to extend the same.

I remember at Hanukah he would speak Hebrew and I thought it was the coolest thing. Obviously I had no idea what he was saying but it was mesmerizing. Both my grandparents were Jewish and my father catholic. Ive heard the stories over the years of how my shoeless father would go to pick my mom up for a date, Seymour my grandpa was not a fan!

Two different worlds colliding, she was supposed to marry a Jew not a poor catholic boy. Yes that will be another post! My grandpa taught me the importance of money, more importantly the importance of saving money! As a child my go to game was monopoly, I wanted to own everything and loved the art of the negotiations. Eventually no one wanted to play with me, it was not as fun for them as it was for me. Wanna play? I remember watching my grandparents do the books in the office- desktop ledgers, like old school pen, pencils and paper. I thougt that looked way more fun than working a retail store. You got to count money and then track it? how awesome is that! Like a real life game of monopoly!

Grandpa always had words of advice for me growing up, im sure there were many things that were told and explained. Has the store grew, more employees were hired and he didnt work as much, which gave more time with my sister and I. We would get home from school and hang at their house until my parents got home. We had two houses on 15 acres, so short walk from home to home. I would walk from high school to the store. Sometimes I would work, other times not so much. He would take me home, man what a horrible driver! no patience, would ride peoples asses and pass when you shouldn't. I remember him "flipping people off" not really he would just raise his hand and mumble weird words, cursing without cursing. Point is we had time together, he knew I could succeed and wanted me to do so. He would talk about college and being successful. His expectations were higher for me than they were for myself. I never pushed myself in school, I did what I had to and got by with decent grades.

After high school graduation, dont remember when exactly, they moved back to southern California. They didnt need to work anymore and who doesnt like the weather in San Diego? He kept in touch, would call on a regular basis to check in and make sure I was still on a track for success. I had a live in girlfriend at the time, it ended and I swore to him I would never do that again! I would wait until I was married. No need to rush anything, well dammit I met Tegan and the rest is history. We were both going to Sac State and she and a friend were looking for a roommate. Uhm threes company- hell ya! Well roommate backed out and it was just Tegs and I. We did get a two bedroom tho? Anyway one afternoon my grandpa calls to check in, Tegan answers the phone...…….passes it to me, and "God Dammit Jeffrey, what are you doing?" I swear to you I can hear his voice! I said "no, this is different, I promise!" Obviously it was cause were gonna hit the 20 year mark In June!

He ended up passing away when he was 71, complications following a heart surgery. He was hospitalized for a while, I never went to see him. I made up every damn excuse I could come up with. My eyes are glassed as I type this, I hate myself for being that selfish. It wasnt about me, I should have gone for his benefit and his alone. If you take nothing from this other than the few lines above, let it sink in. Certain decisions can never be reversed and opportunities will not always be there.

After his passing and for many years of my life, I have questioned what I do and how he would view it. Was it a smart decision, could I have done better. Am I saving enough, was that a wise purchase, was it necessary? Almost like a sense of guilt, dont know how to explain it really. Did he keep me from making stupid mistakes even after he was gone? I think so, I really do. Has more and more years have passed memories fade, visual memories that is. I still recall many fond stories and times, ones that I hope to never forget. He with or without knowing it has helped me become who I am. I have done well in business , my mom alwasy says your so much like your grandfather. That Jewish blood must still run through these veins! I love negotiating, the art of the deal is amazing. Those were some of his strong points as well. Wasn't until very recently that I have been able to let go of the guilt and double guessing myself with decisions. I like who I have become, and I know he would too. He would love my wife and adore my kids. He will get to meet them one day.

Tegans outlook on life has helped in so many ways. She sees relationships as contracts, spiritual contracts. Ones that were made before we exist as people. Time is not important, you both received what you needed and its ok to move on. That spirit moves on to where it can make another difference. You will meet again, maybe not in the same capacity as you left but the spiritual connection will always be. As he looks down and sees who I have become I know he must be proud, I wouldnt be who I am without him.

I am blessed to have both my parents still alive. They are active in my life as well as my families. The same fond memories I have, they are creating for my boys. Sometimes we do not appreciate things until they are gone.

Until we meet again-grandpa

Jeffrey